// I never knew…//
that it would end…
I made him a part of my future when he didn’t even think about putting me in his. Let alone, even give me any time of his present. From the moment we got together, I told him never to leave me to get married to someone else… so in a way I always had a weird feeling about it. And he is. He did leave me to get married to someone else. I feel stupid and used. I had no idea that it would end like this, through text messages. He didn’t even have the balls to pick up my phone call or just call me. Guilt, I’m sure that’s what it is. He waited this whole time, just to tell me that his parents are making him get married. No. No one can make him get married. If he really loved me and wanted to marry me, he would just tell his parents about me. But he doesn’t want that. I don’t know. Part of me hurts, part of me is falling apart, but at the same time part of me is getting stronger and another part of me is so mad. But I guess whatever happens, happens for a reason. I mean this is kind of absurd but what is I was flying to see him and my plane crashed? or something along those lines. Waheguru knows what he is doing and there is a reason behind it. If “he” came back to me right now and was in front of my eyes begging for me to be with him, I wouldn’t have to thinking twice before saying no because I don’t want someone who has to think twice about me. I want someone who will accept me who I am, all of me. I said some really mean things to him. I don’t regret saying anything of them. I really dont even know if i can say i knew who he was because everything that has been happening is weird… very weird. He was never vulnerable and never opened up to me about his emotions. I wish that I could just be over it right now, but I can’t because I had fallen in love with this guy. And the first heart break is always the hardest right? I’m glad I got to experience this chapter of my life. But I know there is someone out there who will stick through the end. Through thick and thin. But that is the least of my worries. For now, its all about me. Making myself stronger and learning who I am and figuring out what I want in life so that I never make this mistake again. To never again let someone take me for granted, to never again let someone make me wait every second of the day to fucking talk to him, to never again let someone play me. Thank you **** for everything. I wish him all the luck with whoever he’s going to marry and I hope that woman can help him realize that actions speak louder than words and I hope that he cries, I hope he cries a lot. I hope he misses me so much and I hope he wishes that he could just be with me. I never did wrong to him. never. fuck this. I’m out.
I will never use this blog again, because I want this chapter of my life to pass.
